I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Four minutes until I can fart!
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
