we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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