I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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