Tell her she can't have a vagina
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
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