I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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