I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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