I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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