I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
