it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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