every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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