So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Randomize