No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
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