i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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