She said she wanted to have closure sex.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
