he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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