Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
