I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
