dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
You took a bar mat shot.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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