3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
