Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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