so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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