You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i don't like sucking hair
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize
