Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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