good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
