Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
