I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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