It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
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Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
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STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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