I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
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