first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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