College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
My day in three words: secret purse cake
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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