They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
