Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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