So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
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It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
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In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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