woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
