I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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