No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I love having hate sex.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Randomize
