I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
