Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Girls should come with a carfax report
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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