I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
