just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
