He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
