You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
