I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
