I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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