remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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