I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
