there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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