It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
