FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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