This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
