On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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