carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
my being single is dangerous.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
