This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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