im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
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