the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
The struggles of a small town man whore
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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