drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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