i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
