we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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