So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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