dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
i drank out of a bidet.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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