well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
