Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
